character profile (microcosm)

[extinguishescandles]

Basic Information 1. Full name John Egbert (No, that isn't short for Jonathan and no, he doesn't have a middle name.) 2. Birthdate April 13, 1996 3. Zodiac/Horoscope Western: Aries, Leo rising Chinese: Rat 4. Residence Originally: Maple Valley, Washington MicroMetropolis: An apartment in the second district which he shares with Rose Lalonde. (Possibly Dave Strider and Jade Harley now too?) 5. Occupation Freelance Piano Man 6. Canon powers Increased strength, wind/air manipulation, flight ~~~~~ Body and Appearance 1. Describe the character's height and build. Is he heavyset, thin, short, rangy? When pulled from SBURB at age thirteen, John stood at 5'2" and was of average build with the beginnings of muscle tone thanks to his ascent to the God Tiers. (Body of a God and all that). When brought to MicroMetropolis, however, his body underwent mysterious spontaneopuberty and fast-forwarded him five years physically. He now stands at 5'10" and has gained quite a bit more muscle tone, especially in the arm, chest, and abdominal areas. Basically, something like this or this. 2. How old is he? Mentally 13, physically 18 3. Describe his posture. Does he carry himself well or does he slouch? He has a very relaxed posture, borderline slouching at times. He often has to be reminded to sit or stand up straight. The only exception to this is when he's playing piano, during which he has perfect posture. 4. How is his health? Is he fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities? While he may have been on the out-of-shape side initially, SBURB changed that pretty quick. He's allergic to peanuts and has terrible eyesight. He's more nearsighted than far, though he does have some issues with seeing things close to him. Chance are, unless it's RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS FACE, he's not going to be able to see details without his glasses. 5. How does he move? Is he clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid? Most of the time he moves in a rather fluid, almost glide-like way. Though he is not without his clumsy moments. Since his ascension to the god tiers, he is more prone to gliding//floating/flying as opposed to walking. Just because he can. 6. How attractive is this character physically? How does he perceive himself in the mirror? When he was younger he could have been considered "awkward cute". Since fast forwarding five years, however, this is no longer the case. Unless chiseled and muscular counts as cute. While he still isn't exactly fond of his teeth and has considered contacts a few times, all-in-all he has pretty decent self-perception. Does he flaunt it? No. Certainly not. 7. Describe his complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred? Light. He spends the majority of his time indoors but he does go outside every once in a while so he's not paper white or anything. 8. Describe his hair: color, texture, style. Black, thick but relatively soft, and he just lets it fall where it will. It sticks up pretty oddly. This only gets worse when he wakes up in the mornings. Bed head? Yup. He gets it pretty bad. 9. What color are his eyes? Blue, specifically the same color as his text. 10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features? Three buck teeth, thick-rimmed glasses and blue eyes. He is also left-handed. 11. What are his chief tension centers? His stomach. When he gets worried, tense, stressed, or otherwise nervous his stomach starts tying itself in knots and he has to fight not to throw up. 12. What is the character's wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or does he have six of the same suit? His wardrobe is pretty casual and not exactly colorful. Mostly shorts, jeans, t-shirts, and long-sleeved shirts with simple designs on them (ex: spade, slime ghost). Pretty neutral colors: greys, whites, and khakis mostly. Though there are some varying shades of greens and blues in there. He also has a fondness for suits. In MicroMetropolis, you are more likely to find him in a suit than in jeans and a t-shirt. If not a suit, than a dress shirt, dress pants, and a tie. (He's taken to modeling himself after Dad in the appearance department, though he still doesn't smoke and he hasn't progressed to fedoras yet. Pipes are right out those are gross.) 13. Do his clothes fit well? Does he seem comfortable in them? Yes and yes. 14. Does he dress the same on the job as he does in his free time? If not, what are the differences? Canonically, this has no relevance. In MicroMetropolis, he works as a freelance piano man, oftentimes in rather swanky clubs and lounges. As such, he is ALWAYS in a suit when on the job. 15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando? Boxers, usually with nerdy prints on them. Like the Ghostbusters logo, the triforce from Zelda, Star Trek logo, stuff like that. ~~~~~ Speech 1. What does this character's voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse? Like this. 2. How does he normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Does he talk easily, or does he hesitate? He speaks easily and evenly until he gets excited/embarrassed/flustered (in which case he speeds up) or nervous/confused (in which case he hesitates and stutters occasionally). 3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics? Not really, no. 4. What language/s does he speak, and with how much fluency? English. It's his native language. So...fluently. 5. Does he switch languages or dialects in certain situations? Sometimes when he gets really worked up, he'll slip into a slight Washingtonian/Canadian accent. 6. Is he a good impromptu speaker, or does he have to think about his words? He has his moments of both. Though it's worth noting that he doesn't always think about what he says before he says it. 7. Is he eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change? He's somewhere in the middle. "Eloquent" definitely does not describe him, but he isn't quite as bad as "inarticulate." Unless he's flustered, in which case he is most definitely inarticulate. ~~~~~ Mental and Emotional 1. How intelligent is this character? Is he book-smart or street-smart? Despite the common opinion, John is not stupid. He just doesn't always stop and think or use his brain in a way that most people would consider normal. Despite a lack of common sense, he understands complex programming subjects. Of the four Homestuck kids, he was the one who best understood the punch-card based alchemy system the best and was able to figure out all the intricacies the fastest. Sometimes the basics escape them, but once he gets a better idea of what he's doing, the complexities come very easily. He is definitely a "book smarts" over "street smarts" kid, though. 2. Does he think on his feet, or does he need time to deliberate? He thinks on his feet. And sometimes, not even then. 3. Describe the character's thought process. Is he more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical? None of the above. John has a rather strange thought process that seems to follow a process which only he knows and understands. He is incredibly idealistic, however. Though he is not without his moments of practicality. 4. What kind of education has the character had? He was in middle school prior to the events of the comic. He was web-homeschooled and has never been to public school. 5. What are his areas of expertise? What, if anything, is he interested in learning more about? Films, paranormal lore, programming (though he's bad at it), pranksterism, playing the piano. He's also fairly talented in the kitchen, moreso in baking (despite how much he hates the end product) than cooking but he's not really all that bad at that either. Or more specifically: what he knows how to make, he makes INCREDIBLY well. What he doesn't know how to make? He would like to learn how to make. Other than that, he would be happy to learn about anything, really. 6. Is he an introvert or an extrovert? He's an introvert with extroverted tendencies. He will talk to anyone who will listen and enjoys making friends, but he enjoys spending time on his own just as much. And even though he enjoys talking to people, he prefers instant messaging over other communication forms. 7. Describe the character's temperament. Is he even-tempered or does he have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven? He's pretty even tempered and laid-back. If he doesn't have the motivation to do something or someone to push him to do it, then he won't. Usually, he's bubbling with cheeriness and enthusiasm. 8. How does he respond to new people or situations? Is he suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic? Usually he's pretty enthusiastic and excited about meeting new people. 9. Is he more likely to act, or to react? React. 10. Which is his default: fight or flight? Depends on the situation. 11. Describe the character's sense of humor. Does he appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks? You cannot hope to beat John Egbert in a prank-off. He is simply the best there is. He thoroughly enjoys jokes (especially in-jokes) and appreciates humor. While he'll laugh at bathroom humor, he's not the type to tell those kinds of joke himself. As for gallows humor, if he does laugh? It's forced. He doesn't really enjoy those types of jokes. 12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how does he deal with them? Nope. 13. What moments in this character's life have defined him as a person? The first time he watched Con Air? He hasn't really HAD any of those moments yet. In canon or in MicroMetropolis. 14. What does he fear? Harm or death coming to his friends. Also, he has an unconscious fear of harlequins that manifests itself as INTENSE dislike. 15. What are his hopes or aspirations? To be as badass as Cameron Poe and marry a girl as pretty as Liv Tyler. Also he wants to be a Ghostbuster when he grows up. I am only half joking about this. However, MicroMetropolis has quickly made him give up on this silly, childish thoughts, since he is no longer a child. He's not really sure what he wants now, other than to be a reliable source of support for his friends. 16. What is something he doesn't want anyone to find out about him? His self-esteem related insecurities. (the whole Lame Kid/Fool thing) ~~~~~ Relationships 1. Describe this character's relationship with his parents. John has a rather complicated family situation. He wasn't born in the conventional sense, there was no love-making and nine months of pregnancy involved. Instead, John was created in a lab through a process known as ectobiology, which involves ghost slime and cloning. He is the genetic offspring of his Nanna and Jade's Grandpa. Dad is actually his half brother (being the son of Nanna), in addition to his adoptive father. Nanna died the day John was born and Jade's Grandpa is also dead, so he has never actually met his genetic parents in the flesh. John's relationship with Dad is that of a typical teenager. He often complains about his dad with his friends even though the man was nothing short of supportive and loving towards John. John detests Dad's love of baking and hates all of his father's harlequin decor. Though John begins to think differently of him once he finds out that the harlequins were actually an attempt by Dad to reach out to his son over a perceived interest (John's dreamself drew harlequins, among other things, all over his walls, though John himself couldn't see them because they were a subconscious issue). At that point he stops with all the teenage angst and parental issues and realizes that he really does love and miss Dad. It's a pretty standard case of "you don't know what you've got till it's gone." Another interesting and noteworthy fact is on the matter of Dad's appearance. The reader just sees him as a business man wearing a fedora and lacking all facial features save for an overly-large nose. In Homestuck, all the guardians' appearances are based upon how their children perceive them, meaning that the things Dad said and saw weren't really important to John. (possibly what he heard as well though none of the characters have visible ears so that's debatable.) 2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like? He has a twin sister, Jade Harley, though they didn't know this until they were thirteen. As such, their relationship is that of close friends rather than that of siblings. 3. Are there other blood relatives to whom he is close? Are there ones he can't stand? Nope and nope. 4. Are there other, unrelated people whom he considers part of his family? What are his relationships with them? Rose Lalonde and Dave Strider are kind of like family to him. They are two of his three best friends. 5. Who is/was the character's best friend? How did they meet? Though Rose, Dave, and Jade are all John’s best friends, Dave is his best bro. They met online, through Jade. 6. Does he have other close friends? Vriska and Karkat, recently. 7. Does he make friends easily, or does he have trouble getting along with people? It's more a case of other people have trouble making friends with him. He's kind of a weird kid, despite how nice he is to people (most of the time). 8. Which does he consider more important: family or friends? Since he views his friends as basically family, he doesn't value one over the other. 9. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Has he been married more than once? While canonically single, he is dating Rose Lalonde in MicroMetropolis. 10. Is he currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse? He's not married. And he would never dream of doing something like that whenever he finally does get married. 11. Who was his first crush? Who is his latest? Canonically: none. In MicroMetropolis, it was Rose. 12. What does he look for in a romantic partner? Owing to his age, he's at that stage where he looks for the bland, boring, basic things: smart, nice, funny, etc. Though he would also like someone who can be a friend in addition to a partner and who balances him out to some degree. Shared interests are a factor as well. 13. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how does he relate to them? If no, does he want any? No he doesn't have any. But one day he would like to have a daughter or two. (He's going to be heartbroken when he finds out the microchips prevent this.) 14. Does he have any rivals or enemies? Well, Jack Noir did stab him twice and wants to kill all his friends. I think he counts as an enemy. No rivals though. (Though Dave might possibly view him as one?) 15. What is the character's sexual orientation? Where does he fall on the Kinsey scale? He's straight, though he's probably somewhere between a 0.5 and a 1 on the Kinsey scale. (Dave Strider being the hypothetical "incidentally homosexual" bit. The two do have their moments, after all. Though John has no desire for romantic intimacy with Dave.) 16. How does he feel about sex? How important is it to him? Sex is important to John in the sense that it's something very special to him. Something that you share with the one person that you love above all else which you only do after you're married. As such, he's not particularly interested in having it yet since he hasn't found that person yet. This is somewhat of a problem in MicroMetropolis, since chipped individuals are basically forced to have sex. Luckily, he's been able to get around this via handjobs/oral. 17. What are his turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits? Turn-ons: Like any typical nerd, John has a thing for sexy costumes in the bedroom. Not just costumes, but lingerie as well. This is the only turn-on he knows of at the moment, as he still hasn't actually had sex or anything. Turn-offs: Once again, there's only one he knows of and that's...well purple-prose sexting. Or honestly, sexting in general as he finds it far too impersonal. Other than that, honestly John is the sort of person who would love his partner no matter what. Weird bedroom habits: Uh...he's very vocal? Other than that, this is still a mystery at the moment. ~~~~~ Beliefs 1. Do you know your character's astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well does he fit type? Going off of this profile of the Aries man, John fits the type pretty well. There are a few points in the linked description that do not fit him at all, but overall it's an almost perfect match. For example: John is prone to trusting blindly (to the point where it gets him in trouble sometimes) and he is well-versed in humility and modesty. He is capable of being very high-energy, he is usually more relaxed. However, when he does have his high-energy moments, they are often rather extreme. In addition, he is not fond of being a leader, so he will not always "move ahead of others, boldly and confidently. " 2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in his life? Now that he knows how his universe was created? None of the above and these elements are not important at all. They weren't really a big part of his life before though, honestly. 3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it? "Treat others nicely until they give you a reason not to," is probably the best way to put it. John is generally a "nice guy" but even he has his limits. He believes that everyone deserves a second chance, and in some cases multiple second chances. It would take a seriously awful, downright unforgiveable person to compromise it. Actually...not just one. Probably two or three. 4. How does he regard beliefs that differ from his? Is he tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent? He's tolerant, and depending on the belief, is either curious or indifferent about it. Usually curious. 5. What prejudices does he hold? Are they irrational or does he have a good reason for them? Originally he was rather intolerant of the trolls, though given the fact that they constantly harassed him and his friends that really isn’t all that surprising. He got over it for the most part once they finally started playing SBURB. Other than that, nope. ~~~~~ Daily Life 1. What is the character's financial situation? Is he rich, poor, comfortable, in debt? Middle class, comfortable. 2. What is his social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected him? He almost never leaves his house and his best and only friends live states or continents away. You tell me. 3. Where does he live? House, apartment, trailer? Is his home his castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Does he share it with others? In canon, he lived in a two-story house with his dad. It's neat, tidy, and stereotypically suburban. It's not really his castle, on the contrary, sometimes he feels trapped there (or homestuck, if you will) but he doesn't really hate it, persay. In Micro he lives in a two-bedroom apartment with the other kids. And a bunch of dildos thank you for that Santa Claus. John's salamander, Casey, and Rose's mutant kitten, Vodka Mutini, live there as well. 4. Besides the basic necessities, what does he spend his money on? Movies and video games. 5. What does he do for a living? Is he good at it? Does he enjoy it, or would he rather be doing something else? In MicroMetropolis, he works as a freelance pianoman. He's quite good at it and really loves what he does though he wishes the hours were a bit more stable. Especially considering he's the only kid with a job. 6. What are his interests or hobbies? How does he spend his free time? Movies, paranormal lore, coding, magic tricks/pranks. His free time is spent watching said movies, talking to his friends on the computer, or playing the piano. 7. What are his eating habits? Does he skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods? Due to his allergies, he avoids foods with peanuts/peanut oil/may contain peanuts, but other than that he will try anything once. He's not a picky eater at all. He doesn't eat out much though, his dad was more of a home-cooked meals kind of guy. ~~~~~ Sexuality 1. Give a description of his genitals (if any) Being biologically male, John is in possession of a penis. An attractive, fully functional, albeit average one at that! It's somewhere between five and six inches (depending on temperature and whatnot) and given his build, is unsurprisingly thick as far as width is concerned. Despite the fact that he was not born in a hospital (or born in the conventional sense of the word at all, for that matter), he is circumcised. It's also probably worth mentioning that currently, he does not shave down there. This is because 1) the thought honestly hasn't crossed his mind. And 2) John only uses straight razors. Like hell is he putting one of those anywhere near the family jewels. He likes his testicles attached and functioning, thanks. 2. Any size preference? Despite the fact that John is attracted to personality more than appearance, he does actually have some preferences when it comes to the various physical sizes and shapes of a woman. Overall he prefers his women to "have some meat on their bones." If given the choice? He would choose a slightly chubby girl over a model-thin one. As far as tits n' ass are concerned, John's preference is for the latter and he likes for there to be enough to grab a hold of and squeeze a little bit. You know, if he could ever work up the courage to actually do that. His preferred breast size is a B or a C cup, though again, if he really loves someone he's not going to turn her down if her boobs are smaller than that. Much bigger and he might have some issues but even then, personality is more important. Basically, John likes curvacious women, though not OVERLY curvy. 3. Sexual orientation? Heterosexual. 4. Describe his best sexual experience. The first time he ate Rose out. 5. Describe his worst sexual experience. When he and Rose tried sexting. Yeah, that...that was a disaster. 6. Is he a dominant or submissive partner? Currently unknown, though likely he switches depending on the occasion. 7. What is his favorite position in bed? Currently unknown, though he would really like to try this position. (picture by heirterosexual, nsfw) 8. Describe his number one fantasy. Currently: Rose wearing this costume. Though like hell will he admit it. 9. Does he have any sensitive areas or turn-ons? How about areas not to be touched/triggers? Sensitive: Spine, back of his neck, and nipples. Triggers: unknown. 10. Does he masturbate? If he does, does he use toys or just his hands? Yes, he does. Preferably in the shower and just with his hands. 11. Where is his favorite place to have sex? He hasn't had sex yet, so he doesn't know. 12. Describe something he wants to try out but hasn't had the chance to. See the picture lined in question #7. 13. What are his kinks/sex acts? Currently all he knows of are costumes/lingerie and a small tendency towards foodplay. He hasn't had the chance to try out the latter, he just likes the idea. 14. Does he sleep naked or in pajamas? Pajamas, specifically in a t-shirt and boxers. 15. What was their first time like? He's still a virgin. At least in the "traditional sex" sense. 16. After-sex habits? Unknown currently. 17. Anything else to elaborate on? Not currently. ~~~~~ Associations 1. Color? Blue. 2. Smell? Laundry fresh out of the dryer with the tiniest hint of apple. 3. Time of day? Afternoon. 4. Season? Spring. 5. Book? Movie? Ghostbusters. 6. Music? Piano. 7. Place? Anywhere there's a lot of wide open spaces. 8. Substance? Oil. 9. Plant? Oak tree. 10. Animal? Bunny. original coding by eroslegy picture by t1mco and colored by me.